Saturday, 18 May 2013

Final Fantasy XIII Review (Part 4)

Oh yea it's here, the next part to his review. Didn't take him 4 months this time which is a major plus, it arrived way sooner than I expected. He has also been having problems editing the video's as he has experienced crashes and programs not working when he needs them to, I can understand that and know what it's like. Good to see that Spoony one puts his video's on YouTube as most internet reviews don't only keeping them on blip to maximize profits, the video also lasts 34 minutes long so your in for a treat.

Anyway he stars off the review by talking about the Crystarium in the game which is the leveling up system. He say's that it's basically holding down a button which it kinda is, he say's that leveling up is meant to be the best part of RPG's seeing where you can improve your character and what new skills you can learn but with this game you just hold A. I agree with him here as that's what it is, he compares it to a corridor as there is only one way forward.
Later on in the game you can make whatever character whichever role but there isn't any point that far into the game as everyone is already specialized and making them something else is just a complete waste of time. Spoony one also mentions this and he's right, he spends about 8 minutes talking about this overall. He then goes back to the story and the gang have arrived at hopes house.

He points out that this plan is stupid since it's the obvious place that they will look for them as they can guess Google his name but hope had to tell his father about what happened to his mother which he doesn't mention, did he even play the game. Guess what happens next, the bad guys surround the house. Snow goes out to talk to them and Spoony cuts to black making it seem that they killed him, that was funny but he didn't have to add credits in making it seem like the end of the game as that and the music playing kinda spoiled what he did.
Snow try's to talk them down and convince the soldiers but Spoony points out that he has been killing their friends who have just been doing their job while also they have not been winning the hearts and minds of the people. He cuts to the clip where snow shouts "I am here to kill you all" to a bunch of civilians. I agree as how about I slaughter someones family and then shout PEACE Boss Nass style, see what I mean.
Sawyer from lost arrives, drops a smoke grenade and the gang escapes to safety, um yay.
A ride for a ride
Spoony then starts to complain about what exactly are you picking up and mixing into your weapons to make them better. He then starts to look at a bunch of different items that you collect making fun of the game, he say's that if he has a banana filled with hobo cum it can make a weapon better. The items in the game aren't far off, murky ooze, strange fluid, tear of frustration, I mean seriously what the hell are these. Can you pick up shit and somehow make your weapon better or will it just stain the blade. Spoony makes a Ring Terror's Realm joke in here saying that is dallad jelly, nice reference.
He then starts to attack the game on how you level up your weapons, he say's that he just doesn't get it saying that the xp boost changes from weapon to weapon acting like it shouldn't. Did he even play the game because you use the wild parts to gain xp boosts while the mechanical items give massive exp gains, you learn this while playing the game but he didn't and never mentioned what I just did. Research failure and I learned that from playing the game which it seems he didn't. He also points out that you level the shit out of a weapon but get new ones and you just throw them away since what you already have is better than the new one you picked up so what's the point. Works both way's as the new ones can go further than the old ones but he does have a point.
He then goes on to do a sketch with doctor insano pocking fun at the game about how you make your weapons better, it was funny but it when on far too long. That's nasty, just look at the gun blade.
Sazh and Vanille are at Nautilus the City of Dreams which is comparable to Golden Saucer from FF7, he points out that there is nothing to do while in Chrono Trigger there are a ton of fun tasks. He say's that they add a casino into FF13-2 but thy manage to fuck that up as well, they really do as I have played the second game and Serendipity really sucks. Not fun at all especially with Antonio Banderas esque casino owner..... and that's funny how.
There are chocobo's but no chocobo racing, what gives.
Spoony one say's that there is a man walking about an amusement park hitting on young girls, he then say's that he's just saying. We all know those black guys, haven't you saw Okinawa. He's referring to Sazh by the way. Sazh pretends to shoot himself and vanille gets captured, they don't even see if he actually did which Spoony points out. He also starts on the robe as they bring those back, remember his childish rage in the previous videos, yea he does that again.
Meanwhile Sazh in Carbonite
Sazh also got his own Eidolon which turns into a car, just go with it. Spoony say's that it ain't two chicks who turn into a motorcycle whom you ride upon, japan and their weird sexual innuendo's. Why not have the main characters race against each other like wacky racers, that would be less stupid than the Eidolon's designs in the game. Spoony also talks about sazh's guns as in battle they turn into a shotgun and he just wonders how that even works.
The next part of the game is back with the other group of characters who are now going to rescue their captive friends. They land on the ship and are discovered, the sanctum send out troops to stop them and three guys appear to fight you. Spoony one points this out and is this seriously all they sent out to stop you, the enemy change throughout color codes such as red, green, blue and whatever. Spoony say's and you though the US terror alert system was confusing.
Oh, political jokes my favorite
Nabaat is confused on what alert they are on and spoony cuts to a red dwarf clip, red dwarf sucks by the way. Tried to watch it and it just wasn't funny, nabatt then say's make it rain when they detect the intruders and Spoony cuts to himself saying make it rain with a dollar system around him while throwing money up in the air. That bit was really funny, let me guess that's all the money he got from ad revenues.
Lighting and the gang make it to Barthandelus, he starts talking about about what can mere men do. Spoony inserts clip from Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, see image below. Symphony of the Night is truly an awesome game, I have great memories from playing it as a child but sadly since AVGN reviewed it the price skyrocketed on the internet. Thanks Shithead, now it costs at least £80 to buy it on amazon just because you reviewed it. I mean seriously that's an outrageous price while it's on Xbox live for 800MS Points, I'd still prefer to play the PS1 version though.
Barthandelus then turns into his real form and it turns out that he's a pulling everyone's strings and is a fal'Cie. Spoony then stops playing the game and acts like he won't be reviewing the rest of the game, he said later that he did this in the video to express in real life when he stopped playing the game. Does this mean he will review the rest or just skip onto FF13-2, he also said that for him to review the sequel that he will have to cover the ending of FF13. He'll probably not do a part 5 but just cover the ending in the first part of FF13-2 but who the hell knows when that will be.
This picture alone could stop you playing the game, what the hell am I looking at
He then tells the games creators to basically go fuck themselves for making these games for the rest of the video before cutting to review scores of the game. From what he shows the scores were mostly high with 9/10's from various game critic websites. Before I continue let me point out that Sean Fausz again collected "additional gameplay footage" but im just guessing that he was the one who really played the game. I have pointed out several bits where it seemed that Spoony did not play the game or was he just being an idiot and not paying attention while playing.
That fat bastard again
This game may not be perfect but it still doesn't call for the rage that Spoony one has thrown at it, if you didn't like it then fair enough. I have played it myself and I did enjoy it, im not a fanboy or anything like that and the game does have some flaws or it could have improved in certain areas. I say the game deserves a 8.5/10 and that's a fair score, I really liked it. Spoony one acts like it's trash but it's really not, it's a good game so I say give it a try and even if you don't like it then at least finish playing the game and make up your mind when you reach the end.

Spoony one really attacked the game for being too linear but I didn't have a problem with that, they have a story to tell and it's just a different narrative that they took for the player to experience. I have mentioned this before and just because it's linear doesn't necessarily mean that it's a bad thing. Spoony one shows what the a producer of the game said and what he say's is right. There is no right or wrong in which way they went about doing the story as it's what they wanted, it may not be what you want as it's not about that.
They have a story to tell and that's how it is, how about in mass effect if they didn't force you to do the Eden prime mission first but free roam around the galaxy for a few hours before starting the first story mission. Did people complain there, NO! they only complain here mostly because it's not a "Western" RPG. I mean seriously who cares who makes the games as long as they are good and worth your time, people always bring this up. Im not just defending them just because but I am making a real point which people seem to have a problem with, people did this with binary domain always bringing up where the game came from and called it a Gears of War rip off. It's not and I don't see why people would say that, because it's a third person cover shooter. You do know there were third person cover shooter games before Gears of War, Gears of War 3 sucks by the way. Got a little of topic but sadly this is the end of the video, here's spoony's final words. If you actually play the game you will know that it doesn't suck, thanks Spoony for not giving it a chance.
 Thanks for our patience in between fours months where there was no video..... asshole
Well this has been a journey, waiting for his video's to come out and myself giving feedback to the said video's. These posts did not take my minutes to create as I have spent hours on each giving you my thoughts and that's what it takes. Overall this was a funny entertaining review, it had it's faults but also it's moments. I really can't wait for when he reviews the sequel as I want to hear what he has to say, if you haven't checked out the video then please do so and thank you for reading.

Video Link


  1. Please tell me this blog is an intentional parody. This is written as though it was made by a 6 year old, and the reasoning behind the arguments are even more childish. If this was on purpose, it's some really dry humor. Otherwise, it's just sad.

    1. How are the arguments childish, please explain.

    2. Well at least you're conceding from the get-go that your grammar is atrocious. Keep it up and you'll be hit with a class-action lawsuit from the Council on the Ethical Treatment of Apostrophes.

      It's pretty serious to charge that a video game critic didn't even play the game they're criticising. You're challenging the basic core integrity of the reviewer. That's not something you should throw around just because he left out one tiny minutiae, or didn't explain something exactly how you wanted it explained. If you need it explained how childish that is, then you'll never understand why.

    3. Oh im so insulted, not my grammar anything but that. Spoony overly rants on video games nitpicking at them and you call me childish.

    4. And yet, I notice how clever it is that you addressed not ONE of Daniel's points in defense of your reasoning after YOU specifically asked for it. Why, it's almost like you couldn't, and you have no actual self-defense, so you coyly try to change the subject to an unrelated and petty insult, hoping that no one would notice the shift in discussion away from criticism directed at you. Yeah, "childish" still suits you aptly, and you've attempted to do absolutely nothing to change that. Good job.

      Also, he's saying that poor grammar insinuates that you are unintelligent. Yet another thing that you conveniently do nothing to argue against, here. I sense much indignant resignation and hypocritically blatant denial in the full display of your obvious faults, young padawan.

  2. Thanks for posting this - my news web crawler coughed this up for some reason and let me know that part 4 is out! Now I can enjoy the video and ignore your obviously biased opinion. =)

    1. Biased opinion, so is spoony's on this game.

    2. And yet you seem to pretend that still somehow excuses you openly being a biased idiot, yourself, as well.

      Congratulations. A hypocrite is you.

  3. Pearse, I understand that you don't like Red Dwarf, but I still enjoy it from time to time.

    Also, as far as strategic RPG's go, I was more into Suikoden, as I used to play Suikoden 1 a lot on the PS1 back in 1997.

    Finally, I believe that in about 2 or 3 years, the mainstream circus of The Spoony Experiment will be gone. Since 2009, the ship had started steering unevenly.

    As we saw through all of 2011, Spoony did try to regain some footing with his audience in a number of ways, and at the same time also focusing on their appetite for the return of the same humour as the 2007-2008 episodes.

    To Boldly Flee marked something of a last hurrah for the spotlight Spoony had enjoyed, ending his run with Channel Awesome on a seriously high note, unfortunately not heard by most.

  4. You do know that FFXIII was one of the worst triple a games of the decade. Just because you're a Final Fantasy fan doesn't mean you have to eat Squares shit while they laugh at you for doing so and then ask for more. Once FFXV does the duke nukem forever the series is as good as dead.

  5. If you don't like the way he reviews games, then instead of sitting down and making a blog like this that will be regarded as childish and will draw hate, why not go out and get a cheap Webcam and make your own game review and upload it to YouTube? Perhaps you could even get some people to give you tips on how to get more followers, and have your own fan following! Even get a partnership with YouTube and make a little extra cash!

  6. FFXIII is garbage and you should kill yourself for liking it