Wrestle! Wrestle! Night of Champions 2014 - Part 1

Spoony staring off screen to his fluffer

Spoony ranted for a long time so to save you reading blocks of text I'll summarize it and put it into bullet points. But just remember to "beware the humidity".

What did we learn:

• Spoony has good Internet
• Canada has bad Internet
• It was a bad pay per view
• You paid 55 dollars for this shit
• Buy the WWE Network
• Spoony has problems with John Cena
• John Cena has rejuvenate properties 
• John Cena is hatched from cloning Tanks (Just liked Solid Snake)
• Get Eva Marie out of the ring (It's on the network)
• It's only 9.99
• Spoony thinks that he knows how to run the WWE
• Spoony was considering buying an album
• He said Gusto, who the hell even uses that word (besides anime characters)
• April apparently watches Wrestling with Noah
• Spoony saw the Miz and Dolph Ziggler's ass crack

Now wasn't that easy to read, well now you can go through the YouTube comments so you can torture yourself some more. That's if you survived watching the entire video, it's like a drinking game except it physically hurts. And I wonder what's on that page he's holding, it's not his grocery list but it could be a list of expenditures for his living expenses. Which is probably written down as "these idiots actually pay me almost 5 grand a month". Verdict: Use the video for background noise.

Black Hole of Board Games – Power Slam VCR Wrestling

Wait, what, Spoony One released a new video! Oh wait it's a shitty black hole of board games video and it's about a wrestling one, oh joy. It's time again for another rambling shit storm that he calls a video, and out of all the board games he could have chosen he picked a subject he has already covered, why couldn't he have chosen the Star Trek or the Wayne's World VCR game. They are much better material to work with and probably would have been funny video's if he chose them but no he had to go for the mundane and idiotic.

April-chan is not amused.

He starts off the video in his own little world where his script becomes reality, in layman's terms, amateur hour. Oh and April appears because she's a part of the "show" now, that and it gives the fan boys another thing to fap over besides Spoony. After the opening part he then plays the intro with updated clips which is more entertaining than this entire video, it takes him a minute and a half to actually start talking about the game. The rest of the video is him explaining how the game works and making rather shitty jokes, this video may not be the best but it's far better than those stupid counter monkey videos. And for some reason he's now watermarking his video's with his website link for some reason, probably trying to avoid copyright strikes or something like that. He does get hung up on the pronunciation of suplex which the announcer was saying as su-play because old people are stupid like that, boy does he like to rant because that's what he thinks his fanbase wants.

Though there is one thing that he does right and that's the appearance of the Wyatt family from wrestling fame, this is the kind of stuff he should be doing and not messing the fanbase around. I mean what's wrong with a medieval knight holding him hostage to make him do a counter monkey, you know tying in the very thing you are reviewing into your video. Anyway time for some glorious YouTube comments:

That's probably because she is.

You see I'm not the only one who wants him to do a video on the Star Trek tape.

Exactly

I know, the lazy bastard!

I wonder what the hell he's gonna review next, it better not be another wrestling vcr game because he's taking forever making a video for Final Fantasy 13-2.

Counter Monkey – D&D 5th Edition Review (Part 1)

What an idiot, does he even know what he's talking about because he's coming off like a dumbass as usual. Just to make this clear, he hasn't even played the 5th Edition, he's judging it based on the pictures in the book. Even if he is giving it criticism he should label the video as a "first impression" since he's not even played it yet, that would be like someone "reviewing" Call of Duty without even playing it, I'm looking at you Pat the Nes Punk. Back to Spoony, he is a total retard when he talks about this since he's complaining like a child, his main gripe throughout this entire video is that the pictures don't look the same since they're drawn by different people. He act's like the art should be the same even though it's drawn by different people so why the hell would the pictures have the same art style. He gives this explanation in the video, and yet he still complains.

God damn, cut that hair you molester

He says that he's trying to spend "your" money properly, because he wants to create a background for his counter monkey video's, he wants to buy a castle backdrop which will cost over 1000 dollars. Even though that's probably bullshit since he's just pocketing the money to pay his bills, what a pathetic piece of shit. He also act's like he's some grizzled veteran with 50 years experience, talking about the "old days", he's just act's like that because being retro is niche and a hipster. Don't even watch the video, as usual his opinion holds no weight.

What you didn't know about Spoony

Ewww, Spoony chugged some of Linkara's magical elixir

Welcome one and all to the internet freak show that is the Spoony One aka Noah Antwiler. Here you will find some facts that you may or may not know about him, so bring on the monkeys.

• He is / may be a Jew due to the fact he has a large nose
• He started Patreon to pay for his Animu girlfriends hair dye
• During a game of truth or dare he was dared to blow Linkara, suffice to say he lost.
• He got his brother to point his police issued gun at a fan at his old house
• Nostalgia Critic was considering to let Spoony back on TGWTG because he thought he would commit suicide like Jew Wario
• Spoony's ex screwed a bunch of fans at a convention 
• Has Type 2 Bi-polar takes medicine to cope
• April was rumored to be fucking a black dude
• Was nearly sent to rehab after overdosing on medication
• Was nearly murdered in 2004 due to gambling debts
• Is a poser
• Doesn't know shit about video games
• He is not funny
• Killed a friend by making him eat pizza that was behind a toilet for 3 months, yes this actually happened and he admitted it during a counter monkey

Now you sort out the facts between the fiction, have fun.

Spoony One's Patreon Account

Support his Patreon, yeah right, the only thing I'd support right now is a Space Marine or a Super Mutant giving Spoony the fisting he deserves. But that's not what I'm here to talk about, I'm here to mention all those retards that are giving him 4,000 dollars plus every month! Even though the point of his Patreon was for him to make better videos and to actually put effort into them since he's getting payed. But he just sits there giving everyone the finger but all those idiots keep giving him money, and what's even sadder is that his Patreon money has went up an extra 66 dollars since the start of this month.

For his stupid big trouble in little china video he spent a ton of money buying an old computer and the game, and god knows what other crap he spent his money on instead of the show, probably a bunch of used sex toys that he shoves in his ass. And another matter I would like to address is his stupid wrestling video's, who the hell cares about his opinion, it's like watching Pat the Nes punks wrestling videos. Just stop with the shit and give us something worth a damn!

Big Trouble in Little China (Commodore 64) Review

Well it's almost been a month since his last video, and no, Wrestle Wrestle and the Nostalgia critic episode don't count since they require little effort. And what did he decide to "review", Big Trouble in Little China for the Commodore 64, seriously why does he even bother to do anything when he does video's on the most mundane stuff.

He starts out the video with a painful sketch like all TGWTG video's, seriously it's like watching amateur hour at your local comedy club, except this time it ain't funny. It features Insano and what appears to be Spoonys fluffer talking about what happened to Spoony, they mention a Mako (pronounced Ma-Ko and not may-ko, faggot wapanese fanboy) explosion and my eyes begin to role because you know video game reference. After that opening sequence Spoony begins to riff the opening of the movie the game is based on, he mostly says a load of crap thinking he sounds smart but he does say one thing of major importance. He says that Final Fantasy 13-2 is in the "render queue", I'm pretty sure that porn video of spoony getting ass raped by Space Marines from Warhammer 40k is also in that render queue.

April-chan is not amused

After that he starts talking about the movie and the lengths he went to get a working Commodore 64 from Germany, because Spoony loves his German scat, what didn't you know he loves it when his fans and April all take a dump on his chest, all at the same time! Anyway, I'm pretty sure that his Paetron money payed for all Commodore 64 crap he bought, that and April's hair dye. As usual it takes him seven and a half miniutes til he actually talks about the game, and boy is the rest of the video as painful as Spoony One's tantrums.

What the hell am I looking at?

He seriously goes through the game like he's the Angry Video Game Nerd, while randomly cutting to clips from the movie to keep you entertained, but even those can't save this video. It's like watching the early days of the Irate Gamer, except it's worse because remember this is the Spoony One, aka Noah "cumdumpster" Antwiler. He get's so desperate he resorts to playing the Gangnam style music to his low pan style, "insert angry comment here".

Yeah, I bet this is what fucks him at night

And after all that he ends the video parodying the end of the movie and a headless appears holding a highlander game, oh god, it better not be another Commodore 64 game because I don't want to watch another AVGN rip off video. But remember this is Spoony, so he's always gonna do something stupid, like threaten someone with rape, who said that?

Better yet, shove that rope up his ass

Spoony can read alright, but he needs giant font because he's bipolar

Don't we all just love that anime troll

That's all I got......for now!

Nostalgia Critic: BloodRayne

I know this isn't a Cinema Snob or Spoony video but since both of them posted it on their sites, this gives me a reason to tear all of them a new one. Let's begin...

Ah, the perfect photo for the sex offender registry, get to it internet

It starts off like a normal Nostalgia Critic video, a bad comedy sketch that nobody finds funny, this lasts about 2 minutes before we get whatever the hell this is.

More like: l'entente tripler pas drôle

The three of them talk a little about the movie before Linkara mentions that incident a couple of years ago, that he never went to Castleton, but we all know that he really means the whole rape threat incident that Spoony caused on twitter. Anyway onto the movie, they just talk their way through the movie in traditional TGWTG style poking at moments in the movie which they think are stupid. Here's an example:

In the movie Rayne get's her hand put into a bucket of water and it burns her, the "critics" poke at this moment and say how stupid it is and how Uwe Boll probably just made it up, this has in fact be taken from the actual video games and other video games such as Soul Reaver, the water could have also been blessed. This clearly shows that they haven't done there research and are just a bunch of bigots because it's a  "Boll" movie.

They are like this throughout the entire movie, they just pick at stuff and expect you to laugh because their chemistry together is so good, which in fact it's not because alone their unfunny but together they even unfunnier. Instead of critically analyzing the movie or just making actual funny jokes they just become one big mess of shit, though the only thing people say they do together is plugging each others butt holes, how did you think the writing process went.

Before the ad break Meatloaf appears and this was the worst part of the video because...well just look below and you'll understand.

I'm pretty sure that's what's left of their charity drives after they spend it all on themselves

I could spend all day writing this post but if you've already seen the video by now you'll understand why it sucks, there is so much more they got wrong about this movie and they act like it's the worst of the worst. Even though it's just an average campy movie, maybe they could see this if they could get past their own overblown ego's, it's not like there wasn't effort put into this movie because there was. It just takes a fan of the video games to notice, anyway watch the video and make up your own mind, I hope you come to the same conclusion that I have. I'd like to see them take on one of Boll's better movie's like Postal, Tunnel Rats, Far Cry, Rampage or Stoic. Because Boll did get better as his career went on.